I CAN MOONWALK!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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