its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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