it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
