i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I want a musical about memes.
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