just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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