I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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