I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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