ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
