I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
