In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
