I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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