you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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