Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
