never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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