i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize