He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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