All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
