I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize