Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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