Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize