Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Sorry my hands just texted you
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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