This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i barfeds in our rink
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
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I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
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Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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