God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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