But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
