trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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