my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
