I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
