i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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