i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
