did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
