Joe is yelling at the trees again.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
