wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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