remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
