wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
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