I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
