does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
