The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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