I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
