Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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