she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
oh god was she eating orange peels again
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
