im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
