i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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