I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
