The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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