I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
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so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
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i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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