i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
