i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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