Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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