i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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