I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
In America we eat man semen.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
