it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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