the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
