I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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