That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I have fence marks all over my body
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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