If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
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Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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