Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
