soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
