omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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