guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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