Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
