i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The uberlube is also flammable
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
