so that wasnt chicken after all
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
