i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
