omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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