everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Still dying that you shit outside
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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