i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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