Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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