non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I woke up under a house in Key West
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
