but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
there is glitter all over my balls
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
