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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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