i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
