my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
