You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
