ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He? As in you personified your dick?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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