I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My penis needs a shock collar
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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