Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...