I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
