Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Green mimosas i think yes
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
