Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You took a bar mat shot.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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