Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
