I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize