No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
