At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
