he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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