I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
