Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
