My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
