sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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