at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I believe in your delicious
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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